December 27, 2010

Day 30: (nonfiction) in 2011 i will

wear red lipstick and not feel like a clown.

wake up half an hour earlier to put on makeup for work.

purge my closet of anything ill-fitting, worn out or rarely used.

go to the gym to feel good, and not to lose weight.

attempt a gluten-free diet 5/7 days of the week.

try to relearn guitar

read more (i.e. any) non-academic books

read the news

limit facebook and blog-reading to the amount spent working out that day

explore the different cities in the bay area

keep up on my school deadlines

go to spain and relearn spanish

get a job


December 4, 2010

Day 29: Talking about Sex with Mom

“In the Philippines, they told us that we would get pregnant if we held a boy’s hand.  Here in America, you guys act like sex is just a game.”

“Things are different, Mom.  People used to get married so that they could ensure the father of their potential child and know that the kid would be taken care of.  Now, with birth control, you don’t even have to be a mom as a result of sex.  I mean, I enjoy sex, but I don’t think I’m ready to be a mother yet.”

“So why are you ready to have sex?”




November 23, 2010

Day 28: Kiss the Cook

of course there’s the saying that “the way to a man’s heart is to his stomach,” reinforced by my working mother’s assertion that, regardless of career ambitions, i should really learn how to cook and clean for the sake of my future husband and the children he should give me.  and even though i’ve spent the last half decade learning that the way to a man’s heart is actually a few inches below his stomach, i do enjoy the surprise of whipping out the bells and whistles, the fancy cheeses and wine reductions, the roulades and risottos for someone special.





November 20, 2010

Day 27: Hard Candy

when i was little, my favorite candies were those sour apple lollipops with tacky caramel coating.  i loved the way that stuff gripped onto my teeth so i couldn’t bite through (like i usually do with sweets) and, as a result, i got to savor in the slightly salty, puckery flavor longer than normal. actually, i do  remember, once it accidentally broke in my mouth and the loose shard cut the roof of my mouth and inside of my cheek, and i was terrified of choking on it.

in any case, i like you for many of the same reasons.

November 14, 2010

Day 26: Birds of a Feather

I understand that your wings have been broken and that you’re having a hard time remembering how to fly.  I also know that you miss the feeling of cold air in your little lungs and rattling against your hollow bones.  It is a feeling that those who have never left the ground can’t relate to.  It is a memory that aches in your muscles, ribs, and echoes in your throat as a sad, hushed song.  I know this because my wings have been broken too.


But I can learn to love the ground as long as I am with you.

November 11, 2010

Day 25: The Cloud Game

As much as I loved lying in the grass playing a meteorological Rorschach Test, I hated not seeing what you were seeing.  I didn’t realize, at the time, that it was indicative of some deeper problems in our relationship.  I remember the day that it hit me.  It was a crisp but bright day and you were trying to get me to focus on a unicorn hidden somewhere in the fluffy white cumulus.  To you, it couldn’t be clearer.  To me, I found myself wanting to scream that all of the details–the horn, the flowing mane–that you described were meaningless.

November 11, 2010

Day 24: A Little In Love

with herself, with the contours of her collarbone and cheekbones and hipbones and ribs splitting through to the surface of her skin.  Smug with the hunger that gnaws at her guts, repeating reminders that pain is weakness leaving the body.  Her thin limbs that are the biggest at their bony joints feel powerful as she shoves the plate away.  Her willpower alone could lift the crushing burden of “concerned” (read: jealous) others.  She chews and she swallows and she thrives on the well-meant words of encouragement that reminded her that she was desirable, beautiful, impressive once she’d lost her baby-fat.


November 9, 2010

Day 23: Women are People

Women are people, yet we often forget to treat each other humanely.  Worse, we degrade each other deliberately.  Worst, we use our commonly assumed (but certainly not universally experienced) gifts of emotional intuition to do so effectively, if not efficiently (because, baby, sometimes it’s better to savor the anguish of others).  Women are people, yet we refer to one another as animals–catty, bitchy, fat cows.  Women are people, yet we place value on each other based on parts of our wholes–the clothes/accessories we sport, the addition/subtraction of fat, the activity level of this or that girl’s vagina.  Long live feminism?




November 6, 2010

Day 22: Passion

He speaks like he fucks, with precision, intensity, depth, a broad repertoire to suit the palate and needs of his company.  He picks lovers like he picks music, unbound by a genre, he can groove to ‘most any beat or melody, regardless of what MTV or whatever tells him is popular.  He is popular with moms, kids, pets, the girl friends, the boyfriends of girl friends, coworkers and it doesn’t seem like he tries at all.  All the while, the seemingly seamless way he encounters life is held together by a passion passed down from his family/reinforced by his first love.


November 2, 2010

Day 21: Snake

your supple skin and suckling mouth provide not-so-subtle subterfuge, summoning sweet nothings sprinkled with secret sin.  it sticks with me, slips into me, stiffens me like a sting to the spine.  to me, your sexuality is second only to your sense of savoring words with your lips like some delicious sweet.  you’re slick, you see, a slithering, slightly scary but exhilarating symbol for something so sensual and sinister.  i swim in your scent, i sit soaked in sweat, swathed in your satin sheets.  i stay, stunned from your touch, speechless from your spry body and the sly way you’ve entwined mine.